You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
