You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
