i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
