So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
