Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do vagina's smell?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
