im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
