I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
