I skipped work to stalk him.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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