I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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