I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
