I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
