Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
