I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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