butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
