hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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