she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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