tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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