Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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