And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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