So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
