I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
