bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
