u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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