haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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