I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
