One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm too high and old for this...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
