a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize