You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
