booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
