I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
