My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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