what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
