Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
