I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
