Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
