420 ftw
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize