Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
