Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
