marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
