I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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