Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
