im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
