I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
