My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
