if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Terrible idea I love it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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