Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
