i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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