fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
