just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
