At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
