Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
