Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize