I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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