he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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