I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
