I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
