Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
