Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i dont even know how to be here
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
