I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
