sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
