Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
