I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
