Buhtt sex?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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