I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
