No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
