someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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