do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
